No, no. It’s absolutely true.

Scientists have known for years that the Earth’s gravitational field is remarkably stable, except when I fart.

At precisely 8:47 PM, I unleashed a fart of such extraordinary magnitude that NASA immediately detected a gravitational anomaly.

For exactly seven seconds, gravity simply gave up.

Cars floated. Birds were suddenly extremely confused. Somewhere in Ohio, a man watched his refrigerator slowly drift toward the ceiling.

NASA scrambled to identify the source.

“Where is this coming from?”

The technician checked the instruments.

“Sir… Georgia.”

A long silence followed.

“Dear God.”

At exactly seven seconds, gravity returned.

Scientists are now studying the event.

I have been asked not to fart again.

I have declined to comment.