I always saw it like they put a ton of effort drawing his face and gave up on his body, so it’s like a stick figure

The difference is “let’s figure this out so we’re both happy” versus “stop this or I’m leaving”. Boundaries let the other person know what we’re comfortable with and what our limits are. Ultimatums are about control.

In my example, the boundary is feeling neglected because of so much time playing video games, and the limit is not wanting to be in a relationship where one feels neglected. Finding a mutually agreeable solution shows respect.

The ultimatum of “stop playing video games or I’m leaving” is about controlling what someone does. It neglects the video game players needs while prioritizing the person giving the ultimatum

The terms are confusing, for sure, and it doesn’t help that some boundaries could easily be interpreted as ultimatums. “I’m not staying with you if you cheat on me”, for example, could be read as both.

Boundaries are healthy limits set to protect oneself, while ultimatums are demands that pressure others to change, often with a threat.

Boundaries respect both parties. Ultimatums prioritize one’s own needs.

Using the meme as an example, “if you don’t stop playing video games I’m leaving” is an ultimatum, putting herself first. It neglects the fact that he enjoys playing video games, and forces him to choose between her or his hobbies.

“I feel neglected when you play video games so much instead of spending time with me, what can we do to find something that works for both of us. If we can’t find a solution, I worry about the sustainability of our relationship” would express her feelings, identify his behavior that is causing those feelings, and respect the fact that his hobbies are important to him and give him space to continue enjoying them. And the boundary is “if we can’t work together on this, this relationship won’t work”.

There is nothing in what I said that suggests connotation or social acceptance are a factor - polyamory exists, couples could enjoy drugs together, and money is important to everyone. What you listed are your boundaries, and that’s cool - I have the same ones. But they’re not universal (though definitely some of the most common). What matters is how they are communicated.

You’re right - it may feel obvious to him but not her. But saying “sometimes I feel neglected, let’s figure out how to fix that” is much healthier than saying “stop or I’ll leave”

There’s a difference between ultimatums and boundaries