MinnesotaGoddam

No I judged myself for burping when I leaned in to kiss my wife

Aphasia sucks. There’s a dam between my brain and my mouth and sometimes the right word gets caught on it so I have to start throwing out cinnamon rolls

4D if you watch me eat them

i remember them coming in five layers last time i bought one. been a while since i did a sunrise picnic in the park, that’s the next generation’s job now.

I have hens

woah are you from china?

also corn flakes

time was you’d get a gross (144) but we got shrinkflated i guess

Oh yeah it’s a big store here. Also we got a powerful union, one job, one dude. I was the sugar spiller for a season, but I kept getting ants in bed no matter how much I washed and changed sheets.

I really gotta stop eating there, but maybe next job I’ll have less ants

Or use a microwave, or hair drier on the same circuit as one at the same time. Unless you’re in the kitchen I guess. Learned those lessons the hard way.

I mean like, imagine no one taught you when you were a kid, right?

That’s how I feel about electric kettles. They’re so damn useful.

They started pretending they could avoid people opening the carton by just using flimsy clear shit plastic cartons here. Still gotta take out the cracked eggs though, just don’t have to open the carton to find em anymore which is nice

You shop at more expensive stores than me. I swear they employ someone whose sole job is to crack eggs