cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/46294831
Gender identity among adolescents initiating hormone therapy is “highly stable,” the authors write.
cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/46294831
Gender identity among adolescents initiating hormone therapy is “highly stable,” the authors write.
if she is an adult its literally not your decision at all. you shouldnt be getting any say. you can be as involved as she wants you to be, but your role in supporting her is to advocate for what she wants not to make decisions for her, no matter what the risks are. i mean jesus youre comparing srs to your knee surgery. yeah its surgery, but believe it or not people have way more emotional investment in their junk than their knee. what if you had a horrible injury that made it so your genitals werent even shaped right anymore and didnt work at all, but there was a surgery that would make it right? can you honestly argue in good faith that you would let anyone stop you from going through with it because it might leave some uncomfortable scars, or even that it might not work? yet you would imply that you might want to do just that to your daughter. its an arrogant and patronizing position to take over someone you ostensibly care about, whatever their situation.
Knees are pretty important, really. But yes, I get your point. I’m not going to stop her from making her own choice, but I am going to point out if I think she’s misinformed (or more mis-believing) the risks, and actual outcomes. I also really worry that she will pin her hopes that having bottom surgery will cure her self esteem issues and if it doesn’t, she’ll be mentally worse off. I’d love it if I could really trust the medical system for dealing with all this well, but I don’t.
As a mother we care about all of their health physical and mental. It’s not unreasonable you ask the right questions when caring for them. Sometimes they can be vulnerable, same with elders. Having someone’s watch over events is fair.
Ok yeah the advice I always heard about bottom surgery (and found to be true) is that all it’ll change is your genitals. It won’t make you pass better unless you’re in something super tight or naked. It won’t make you feel better about yourself except genital dysphoria.
Has she had open conversations with post op trans women about it? That may be a good step for her.
She’s talked to many people on line, but who knows what’s real. There seem to be a lot of people who wish they had bottom surgery, but not nearly as many who actually have. She sees a psychologist regularly so I hope they will thrash this out, and it’s still years out due to the process here in Canada. But I worry that makes it even more unstoppable - when she finally gets to the top of the list, she won’t want to risk losing her spot; the momentum will blast past any concerns.
Yeah, I’d recommend looking into the surgeon’s reputation, (and have her look at their work). I actually was fortunate enough to see my surgeon’s work in person beforehand, which was helpful, but absolutely not necessary.
Over on reddit there’s a trans_surgeries subreddit that I used to get realistic expectations and my ex used to read it to figure out how best to support me. I can’t however give it a full throated recommendation as it’s absolutely where dysphoria goes to become dysmorphia. My ex would get frustrated with how many people over there passed perfectly for cis and would insist they need more FFS or something.
In general though, if your daughter is able IRL trans community is great, especially with people further along in transition. And talking to people irl and online who have been through the procedures she wants (ideally at various stages) is great.