Are they not introducing you to their other friends or available family members? If they know you are looking for someone, and that you’re having a hard time meeting new people, they could at least keep an eye out for you.
Internaut: I have issues with finding a relationship.
Sundray: Let me oversimplify a circumstance that worked for me and assume it works for you too: Simply allow everyone around you to throw the solution into your lap.
Internauts: That’s not how my life works.
Sundray: Nonsense. Stop being so negative and get with the program.
Why do people keep telling me what they think I meant to say, instead of responding to what I actually said?
I didn’t assume anyone’s circumstance, I asked about a person’s circumstance.
The person I was speaking to didn’t reply saying “that’s not how my life works”, I got dogpiled by a bunch of random people who immediately responded with rage and insults.
I didn’t tell anybody to “get with the program” and the only thing I said about negativity was to note that I was becoming the target of hysterical rage, and being literally insulted, Mr “Boomer Energy.”
A lot of people seem to be bringing their own agenda to my comments, and responding to some horrible, hidden intent they I am trying to convey, and I don’t know why they are seeing something that is not there.
I’ve had my own struggle with isolation and loneliness, loss of family, trust issues stemming from abuse, with being queer and trans while growing up in a conservative community, and I care deeply about everyone dealing with being alone and unloved. And to have a serious question twisted by random throw-ins into accusations of heartless cruelty is frankly startling to piss me off.
If all someone can do is pick nits, call me names, and try to tell me what I’m “really” saying, or what I “really” mean, then I invite them fuck right off and find somebody who’s actually saying whatever nonsense it is that they’re so desperate to argue with.
Why do people keep telling me what they think I meant to say, instead of responding to what I actually said?
Because your post lacked empathy or a recognition that the person you responded to might face genuine issues, and because you came across as believing the solution was simple and at hand.
Instead of saying "do you not have any friends of friends? ", try “Yeah that really sucks. I struggled with it for a long time until by chance a friend of mine introduced me to someone and we hit it off. But I hope you have a happier time of it in the future.”
I see, thank you for actually responding in a constructive way.
I want to be clear that I have empathy for people who are lonely, even if I don’t communicate very well. I’ve spent most of my life the same way, and I know it’s not easy. I know there’s no easy solutions. The only message I have is please don’t give up. While there’s life there’s hope.
If you ask a woman friend to introduce you to a friend of hers as a potential dating partner, you won’t gain a girlfriend, you’ll just lose the friend you had
Wouldn’t that vary by individual though? Obviously I’m not trying to say that it’s a sure fire, foolproof thing to do—but it’s something to consider if you’re not in danger of losing a friend over it right?
Are they not introducing you to their other friends or available family members? If they know you are looking for someone, and that you’re having a hard time meeting new people, they could at least keep an eye out for you.
Internaut: I have issues with finding a relationship.
Sundray: Let me oversimplify a circumstance that worked for me and assume it works for you too: Simply allow everyone around you to throw the solution into your lap.
Internauts: That’s not how my life works.
Sundray: Nonsense. Stop being so negative and get with the program.
You have such boomer energy in this thread.
Why do people keep telling me what they think I meant to say, instead of responding to what I actually said?
I didn’t assume anyone’s circumstance, I asked about a person’s circumstance.
The person I was speaking to didn’t reply saying “that’s not how my life works”, I got dogpiled by a bunch of random people who immediately responded with rage and insults.
I didn’t tell anybody to “get with the program” and the only thing I said about negativity was to note that I was becoming the target of hysterical rage, and being literally insulted, Mr “Boomer Energy.”
A lot of people seem to be bringing their own agenda to my comments, and responding to some horrible, hidden intent they I am trying to convey, and I don’t know why they are seeing something that is not there.
I’ve had my own struggle with isolation and loneliness, loss of family, trust issues stemming from abuse, with being queer and trans while growing up in a conservative community, and I care deeply about everyone dealing with being alone and unloved. And to have a serious question twisted by random throw-ins into accusations of heartless cruelty is frankly startling to piss me off.
If all someone can do is pick nits, call me names, and try to tell me what I’m “really” saying, or what I “really” mean, then I invite them fuck right off and find somebody who’s actually saying whatever nonsense it is that they’re so desperate to argue with.
Because your post lacked empathy or a recognition that the person you responded to might face genuine issues, and because you came across as believing the solution was simple and at hand.
Instead of saying "do you not have any friends of friends? ", try “Yeah that really sucks. I struggled with it for a long time until by chance a friend of mine introduced me to someone and we hit it off. But I hope you have a happier time of it in the future.”
I see, thank you for actually responding in a constructive way.
I want to be clear that I have empathy for people who are lonely, even if I don’t communicate very well. I’ve spent most of my life the same way, and I know it’s not easy. I know there’s no easy solutions. The only message I have is please don’t give up. While there’s life there’s hope.
That’s a great message.
No, because that’s weird
How so?
If you ask a woman friend to introduce you to a friend of hers as a potential dating partner, you won’t gain a girlfriend, you’ll just lose the friend you had
Wouldn’t that vary by individual though? Obviously I’m not trying to say that it’s a sure fire, foolproof thing to do—but it’s something to consider if you’re not in danger of losing a friend over it right?
You are certainly welcome to try if you would like to find out…